I’m quite enjoying my trousers today
March 12, 2008
This isn’t always the case.
My usual pair of strides are black cotton. They have a strange seam thing around the knee that annoys me. They also have not one but TWO press stud things instead of a button.
Press stud things are awful because the more you use them the worse they get. Having two is a tactical error on the part of the trousers because it’s not twice as good but twice as bad.
Let me give you an example. There are two kinds of urniators. Well, that’s not true, there are two kinds of urinators for the purposes of this blog entry.
The first kind strides up to the urinal, undoes their belt, unbuttons the top of their pants, unzips their fly, peels it all away and goes in for the choke hold in an underwear-independent kind of way.
I’m not sure why but this offends me greatly.
It’s not as if I watch what’s going on, either. All evidence to the contrary. No, I try to avoid all kinds of contact with such folk because it’s just such a weird way of taking a whizz.
The second kind (not to put too fine a point on it, the “normal” widdlers) simply unzip their fly and go about their business as god intended.
That’s what the fly is for, you see.
I fall into the latter category (as much as I am prone to falling in urinals, and there’s a funny story there but I’m not going to tell it). Unfortunately, the two press stud/dome things make this impossible, because as I zip down there’s a distint Pop Pop noise and suddenly I’m left exposed. I’m not one of the first kind of urinators so I have no idea how to hold up my now rapidly descending trous with one hand, figure out the underwear equation with the other hand and then… well you see where this is heading. Typically at this point I will flee to the stall.
My new trousers have a button. Not only do they have a button, they have TWO buttons AND a strange off-shoot thing that ALSO has a button. Between the three buttons, the zip and my belt I’m surprised I haven’t wet my pants, but hey, at least I’m secure.
Just thought I’d share.