I’m quite enjoying my trousers today

March 12, 2008

This isn’t always the case.

My usual pair of strides are black cotton. They have a strange seam thing around the knee that annoys me. They also have not one but TWO press stud things instead of a button.

Press stud things are awful because the more you use them the worse they get. Having two is a tactical error on the part of the trousers because it’s not twice as good but twice as bad.

Let me give you an example. There are two kinds of urniators. Well, that’s not true, there are two kinds of urinators for the purposes of this blog entry.

The first kind strides up to the urinal, undoes their belt, unbuttons the  top of their pants, unzips their fly, peels it all away and goes in for the choke hold in an underwear-independent kind of way.

I’m not sure why but this offends me greatly.

It’s not as if I watch what’s going on, either. All evidence to the contrary. No, I try to avoid all kinds of contact with such folk because it’s just such a weird way of taking a whizz.

The second kind (not to put too fine a point on it, the “normal” widdlers) simply unzip their fly and go about their business as god intended.

That’s what the fly is for, you see.

I fall into the latter category (as much as I am prone to falling in urinals, and there’s a funny story there but I’m not going to tell it). Unfortunately, the two press stud/dome things make this impossible, because as I zip down there’s a distint Pop Pop noise and suddenly I’m left exposed. I’m not one of the first kind of urinators so I have no idea how to hold up my now rapidly descending trous with one hand, figure out the underwear equation with the other hand and then… well you see where this is heading. Typically at this point I will flee to the stall.

My new trousers have a button. Not only do they have a button, they have TWO buttons AND a strange off-shoot thing that ALSO has a button. Between the three buttons, the zip and my belt I’m surprised I haven’t wet my pants, but hey, at least I’m secure.

Just thought I’d share.


5 Responses to “I’m quite enjoying my trousers today”

  1. Miss Moon Says:

    TMI (too much information)!

  2. The Naked Hugger Says:

    Laugh out loud funny!

  3. Mysterious Dave Mather Says:

    You think that was too much information?

    While we are on the subject of pants, flies, and urinating: I wonder if others can remember back to at time in the 1990s, when all of a sudden, jeans started coming out with button flies? After years of success with the zip, for some reason, Levis, and then all other jeans manufacturers, leapt back to the 1930s with reintroducing button flies.

    I remember explaining to a girlfriend at the time my disappointment with this development. She had thought it was a great advance in avoiding unfortunate, and painful entanglements. Instead what happened was, you could open the fly easily enough at a urinal, but buttoning the damned thing back up took a good-long while. Or at least what seemed a good-long while, when standing at the urinal fiddling with your general crotch area.

    As for entanglements, well that is all easily avoided with a zip, and the sensible use of undergarments.

  4. audent Says:

    Exactly! What is it with the fly? Leave it alone, let us handle it.

    as it were.

  5. audent Says:

    So, a naked hugger, eh? Glad you like it. What are you doing later?

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