The camera adds ten pounds

October 1, 2008

Back in the day I used to enjoy going on TV. I’d roll out of bed at some ungodly hour, get taxi’d to the studio and have coffee in the green room watching the real celebs come and go. I once stared at some old bloke for ages and missed my opportunity to ask Peter Frampton (for it was he) if he felt like I did. Or something less cliched.

I had a lovely chat with Wolf Blass once. That’s really his name! And the PM and I traded tight comments while in make-up (actually I barged in while she was talking to an advisor. Hey, I didn’t know) and her police detail were always interesting to chat to. They would get asked to carry the First Among Handbags from time to time. Always a classic.

These days it’s a horror, oh it’s a horror. I don’t mind the subject matter (well, I do but that’s my job) but the visuals are too disturbing for words.

Who did eat all the pies?


8 Responses to “The camera adds ten pounds”

  1. Mysterious Dave Mather Says:

    Could you help me, my dear chubby friend? Where on the the ‘Fair go’ site is the clip of you being interviewed, presumably just after you ate all those cream buns?

    I just can’t find it.

  2. Mysterious Dave Mather Says:

    Wow, it’s like your boss went round the office saying, “Let’s get the heftiest guy here to talk to on telly! You there, yes you with the bacon and chip butties, I have a job for you!”

    Seriously, are you like that in real life? Or were you under a great deal of make up for the shoot, like three stone of make up?

  3. audent Says:

    The camera adds ten pounds! And they had two!

    Honestly, because of the curvature of the lens, everything looks distorted, so what they do is they get a suit and stuff it full of cats. I just recorded the voice over afterwards.

    it all comes out OK though, right?

  4. Mysterious Dave Mather Says:

    Well, they got, how should I say it; some very ‘prosperous’ looking cats to go into that suit. And plenty of them.

  5. audent Says:

    careful smart guy or I’ll come over there and sit on you.

    THEN you’ll be sorry.

  6. Mysterious Dave Mather Says:

    Sorry about that big man, but I have to ask: would you be bringing the cats with you? If so, what is the hireage on a mini-van these days?

  7. audent Says:

    cats… inna mini-van.

    I like it.

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