The perils of diplomacy
November 11, 2008
Obama’s not in the White House yet but his first international incident is brewing.
His daughters have been promised a puppy. Malia (like Mrs Audent) is allergic to dog dander, so Dad’s been researching hypoallergenic dogs and settled on a cross between a retriever and a poodle (poodles have wool but the personality of a deranged 1930s movie star (“I’m ready for my close up!”) whereas labradors are insane eaters but have a great nature and of course, lots of hair).
The national dog of Peru is a hairless freak of nature that only a mother could love.
According to Peruvian folklore, the dogs have above-average body temperature, which compensates for their lack of hair and helps alleviate symptoms of asthma or arthritis suffered by their owners.
Take a look at that photo. Tell me your ten-year-old daughter and your seven-year-old daughter won’t scream obscenities if you bring that into the house. The Secret Service could probably be persuaded to shoot it on sight, but frankly it’s going to get messy with the Peruvians.
I can see the White House diplomatic officer at work on this one.
“I’m sorry, Peru, but your dog reminds us of some kind of gargoyle, albeit without the 11th century building stuck to its bottom.”
Personally, I think it’s so ugly it’s quite cute but no self-respecting tweenager will go for it. Dad’s going to have to invade the country just to keep things kosher at home.
Dads of the world will understand. We’d do it as well. I personally have promised to buy many a pony if one daughter or the other will just… stop… crying… and… go… to… sleep!